Rethinking

Tagged as Personal

Written on 2007-06-18 07:30:00

I think I was dumb today. This being my first significant breakup I didn't realize that we were broken up yet. I'm not sure I have realized that even now. Also, I had convinced myself there was a chance things would still work out. Also, my only two friends that I hang out with outside of school are moving in the fall and I'm transferring. Not far but I'm transferring. So, I've got a pretty fresh start on my hands. Naturally, I don't want it. I mean I'm glad to study computer science and not be at Oglethorpe but I have no idea what to do as far as my relationships with people. That's very intimidating of course. A lot is happening at once and I'm (I think understandably) pretty mixed up and confused. I also think I might be faking being okay so something bad might just set in any day now. I'll try to find a way to focus this energy but aside from reading books, working, and going to the gym I can't think of any good ones. And I feel like I'm so crazy and have been for so long (particularly with regards to Sonya) that nobody really wants to hear any of this and I don't blame them. I don't know what to say half the time. When I face problems that I can't mentally untangle I'm not sure that I do well at all. If I can't think about something clearly I'm kind of screwed. Anyway, I'm very tired so I'm going to go to bed and hope I can get it together before work Tuesday. But today was hard.

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