Losing Jurgen

Jurgen died a month ago. I still can't quite believe it. I find myself hoping that if I look in the right room of the house, he'll be there. I loved him so much. I didn't know I could love a dog so much.

Jurgen was not part of the plan. Norma adopted Jurgen when we had only been dating a few months and had settled into a nice groove of spending weekends at the dog park together with Seyla.

He was extremely dysfunctional right off the bat. Fearful of almost everything, but especially children, not even close to house trained, scared to even let us pet him. My weekend getaways suddenly felt a lot harder.

But with love and patience, he became the most wonderful, silly dog. There were very few people he ever warmed up to. Probably a dozen friends and family really ever got to see much of his personality. Strangers across the street would ask what kind of dog he was and tell us how distinctive and handsome he was.

I saw myself in him. Fearful, always observant, sweet but often in trouble, wanting love but sometimes struggling to receive it. I loved how expressive he was. The way his ears or eyebrows would twitch. His body language, his stretching in the morning to greet us, his old man groans, his playful snorts.

We knew he was getting older but his vet checkups were always great. Then all of a sudden: not eating, a tumor in his abdomen, internal bleeding. He wasn't in pain long, at least.

One reason I'm motivated to get a new site generator written is to make a page just about him. I have so many photos and videos from the last decade. Probably 70% of my camera shots are of Jurgen. And I still don't know how to explain why he was so special and it doesn't matter. He was my sweet boy and I still miss him.