3 Years In

posted on 2012-05-18 13:00:01

It's been 3 years since Dad died, 2 years since I've been single. It's hard to believe, really. And wouldn't you know, I had a dream about Dad for the first time in a while. He had cancer but was still alive. We'd all moved back to Cross Creek where I'd spent the first decade of my life or so. I had my job at CMG, I think, and I was talking to Dad who confided in me that he and Mom were having serious financial trouble. I remember being shocked that something hadn't been mentioned to me sooner and feeling guilty for somehow missing that I could have helped for so long. I'd just been enjoying life as I am these days, a good job, good friends, etc. I was talking to Mom or Dad about how I could support them when I woke up. In the dream, Dad still had all his hair. I don't think I've ever had a dream about him post-hair and post-chemo. I'm thankful for that. He wasn't the same person once his hair was gone.

I'd been a bit depressed the first half of this week and I couldn't figure out why. It wasn't until talking to mom Tuesday night that she reminded me we were coming up on the 3-year anniversary. I'd thought about it when someone asked about dad a few weeks back but it slipped my mind. I'm thankful for my job and coworkers, I love them dearly and even on my grumpiest, most "Office Space-y" days I'm happy to be in the office. I'm thankful for my friends who keep Atlanta fun and keep life interesting even when we all just want to have a drink and be together at the end of a long day. I'm thankful for my mother, who's weathered plenty and still figuring out how to have fun. Mostly, of course, I'm thankful for dad. I still don't know how he did it all. But thanks to him, I can too.

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